Must read Sex Advice by Kara Jesella
Just can't seem to quite get there? Or would you like your big moment to be even bigger? We've got the scoop on how you can have your best orgasm yet.
Hit the Hot Spots
A friction position may help you have an orgasm during intercourse. Get on top, for example, so the top of your clitoris is rubbing directly on your partner’s pubic bone. Or lay on your back with a pillow underneath your butt.
You may even want to try using a vibrator during intercourse, says Laura Berman, PhD, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and OB-GYN at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University. We recommend you take a look at the large range of vibrators now available at www.xmart.com.au
Talk the Talk
"Men really want direction," Berman says. Let your partner know when he’s on the right track, either by telling him what feels great or by moaning.
Learn on Your Own
You can’t talk the talk if you don’t know what turns you on. "To train your body to be orgasmic, you have to masturbate," says Danielle Cavallucci, a sex coach with sex information company Sexuality Source.
Exercise your Orgasm Muscles
"Kegels are the classic exercise for women who want to transform feeble orgasms into fabulous ones," sex educator Dorian Solot says. Locate these muscles in your pelvic floor by stopping yourself from peeing midstream. Then tone them by clenching when you’re not peeing. Do Kegels every day, ideally a few times a day. And keep breathing while you squeeze.
Research shows that engaging in thrill-seeking behaviours together (whether it’s rock climbing or just going to see a scary movie) stimulates dopamine in the brain, which gets your juices flowing.
Delay the Pleasure
"The longer the arousal buildup, the bigger the explosion," Solot says. Get yourself close to orgasm, then slow to a simmer. Repeat that a few times before you climax.
Focus on Breathing
Tantric sex may sound new-age, but its central tenet—focused breathing—may boost your pleasure. "You can use your breath to channel your sexual energy," sex educator Yvonne Fulbright says. Partners who breathe in tandem may slow the rush to orgasm and create a bigger build up, which can intensify pleasure.
Porn isn’t all about big penises and deep throats. Erotic movies and books can be tasteful and arousing, and the more aroused you are, the better your orgasm chances.
Try Creative Foreplay
If it takes you longer than your partner to warm up, Fulbright says, get a head start by e-mailing or texting each other sexy messages (but don’t get too graphic—e-mail is not necessarily private).
Check your Meds
Women are more likely than men to take antidepressants, which are known to hurt a person’s sex life. If you’re having trouble, talk to your doctor about your meds.
Get Help Early
If you’re not orgasmic, advice from a pro may be helpful. Nerve damage or low testosterone could be the problem. "Your doctor can do a medical evaluation," Berman says, "or look at relationship factors."
In a recent French study of 500-plus women, more than 70% said work stress compromised their sex drive. A low libido, obviously, lowers chances of orgasm. So ditch life’s distractions at your bedroom door.